How to Express Your Feelings & Emotions Without Fear

 

You may vent with a friend to get something off your chest from time to time, but if you want to truly change the way your relationships progress and help YOU become a better version of yourself, this article shares a simple how-to formula to overcome the basic fears that all humans have when sharing their feelings in relationships, How to express your feelings & emotions without fear.

Share Your Feelings

When we consider how much random emotion is expressed in the world, we may begin to wonder if emotion has been so hidden by our cultural socialization for such a long time and now we are just beginning to lift the lid that it now gets expressed in random situations and in ways that have no regulation or stop button.

It's not just negative emotions that we find difficult to express.

How many of you find it difficult to express your feelings for someone you care about?

Or you are hesitant to compliment someone simply because you are authentically inspired by them.

When we are adults or teenagers, what was once natural for us as children to express glee, joy, and laughter becomes awkward and uncalled for.

So it made me wonder why, when, and how we go from easily expressing joy or sadness to struggling with it.

How To Talk About Your Feeling In A Relationship

We all want to be accepted and liked, but why prioritize someone else's opinion and liking of you over what makes you happy?

For each of us, there comes a time, an age, an event, or a series of events when a growing child stops enjoying who they are and becomes more concerned with how they are perceived and received by others. The tipping point at which you begin to focus more on who you believe you should be to be acceptable is unique to each individual.

Sharing Feelings

The reason we want someone to accept us has a lot to do with survival. The more someone likes you, the more likely it is that you will be accepted as a member of the tribe that looks after you.

However, if you can't be honest with yourself about your feelings, you will pay the price subconsciously. And the price is that you can't be your true self. But you're willing to compromise your authenticity or explain your needs or point of view to maintain the perceived status quo, avoid upsetting the apple cart.

Sharing Your Thoughts

You know what that means if you grew up in a traditional family structure you have to show up for family dinners, you don't discuss certain topics with certain family members, and you never discuss that really hot topic because it's taboo.

Some of the musts in personal relationships are:

=> I must respond to texts immediately,

=> I must like what my loved one does or who they hang out with, and so on. 

Importance of Sharing Feelings In a Relationship

Working with people has taught me that a person will expend more energy hiding their authentic self and feelings than risking speaking up for a variety of reasons, including:

Someone they care about feeling excluded or unimportant

a) Being perceived as interfering with the needs of others, Fear of upsetting someone with a sensitive subject

Being perceived as weak, incompetent, and lacking self-sufficiency

b) Being different from everyone else, Fear of retaliation because it may lead to conflict

c) Fear of being perceived as being anti-group,

d) Fear of being perceived as too independent or selfish, putting one's own needs ahead of those of others.

Why Do I Care What People Think

People make up fantastic stories about why others may be unable to deal with their emotions out of fear of asking too much. And this is always influenced by how the culture interprets what is appropriate.

On a personal level, we spend a lot of energy maintaining the cultural story about what is appropriate in our heads, rather than talking with people and sharing what is authentically going on for us.

Part of the struggle in modern society is that cultural norms are changing, and while we wish to measure our expression of feelings by previous cultural norms, they have shifted to the point where we are unsure how to be respectful of others while also being authentic and expressing our individual needs.

Stop Caring What People Think

People's roles used to be pretty clear, but now there's a lot more leeway in how they can act. That drives people insane because they have no idea what to do with their newfound freedom. And then, now and then, revert to previous cultural norms in which you should do what the tribe said.

So, if you want to express your feelings authentically and respectfully, here is a basic formula.

This is best done in person. If you're not good at face-to-face communication, you can try it via text however, your body will feel more relaxed if you're face-to-face. 

Why Do I Care So Much About What Others Think - 1) Begin your conversation to connect with the person and achieve the best possible outcome for both of you.

2) Begin your expression by emphasizing something you like about the person, such as,

Hey, I think of you when I hear that song. Recall a shared memory, something that positively connects the two of you or something fun that they will enjoy.

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

Consider what you are afraid of if you tell them how you feel or what you want. Don't hide your fear, but don't turn it into a sob story either. Tell them exactly what you're worried about, and then proceed to share.

Instead of using the word fear, try I'm concerned or something even more ambiguous like "I was thinking of you." Tell them what you want in the simplest, shortest way possible, and then remain silent. Wait for them to respond and observe their face, breathing, and body language. They will speak the longer you wait.

And you'll be far better off remaining silent, as this sends the message that you want them to speak. If they don't respond after a while, ask them, "What do you think?" or, how do you feel? Every relationship has its quirks.

As a result, not everyone will be civil, sit down, and listen. You may also need to change the words to fit that person's language style.

Why You Shouldn't I Care What Others Think - However, what you should learn from these steps:

Step 1 - Simply focusing on the intent of the best outcome for the relationship has softened and also made people who wouldn't normally chat be natural and responsive. Foregrounding something you like about the connection in 

Step 2 - has also yielded significant results. It has softened people, allowed conversations to flow in unexpected ways, gotten the other person to start telling stories they had never told before, and resulted in family outings that would not have happened otherwise... and so on.

Caring Too Much About What Others Think

So, for touch cases, focus on these Steps and wait until the opportunity to air the rest presents itself. Sometimes you don't have to, because steps 1 and 2 have caused a shift in the 'attitude' between the two people, allowing things to fall into a better rhythm, so your perceived fear is not real and you realize you just need to connect.

We frequently forget that focusing on the positive aspects of a relationship is what makes the relationship possible in the first place.

What you could easily jump and celebrate as a child is also what makes a relationship easy to jump up and down about as an adult.

How to express your feelings & emotions without fear, comments at Games in Love.